Whoever invented the snooze button must have had the idea after a few too many wines. Unfortunately for Karl Versteeg who is up at 4am every morning to open his strength training gym Groundwork Fitness, hitting snooze isn’t an option after a big weekend. So, on a particularly stressful Monday in May, he decided that weekend beers and running a gym don’t mix.
“I’d had a big birthday weekend and on the Monday after, we got a bit of bad news,” he says. “I felt so taken aback and depressed but the next day, after I’d had a bit of sleep, I realised it wasn’t that bad.”
Karl’s delayed ability to cope with that situation led him to take a three-month break from drinking, allowing him to be better focused and deal with stress in a more mindful way. This is Karl’s third long-term stint away from alcohol, having previously done a nine-month break in his thirties and another year-long break that saw him stay sober on the night of his fortieth birthday party.
“There is a sense of achievement there,” Karl says. “It’s sad that not drinking for a few months is an achievement, because drinking is such a huge part of our culture. People don’t always understand it – I would tell my dad I’m not drinking, so he would say, ‘Here, have a light beer’.”
Until the pandemic hit, that culture was slowly shifting. An increasing number of Australians were changing the way they drink, with 8.9% of the population giving up completely and 31% of people cutting back. But last year that trend reversed, with the number of Australians who drink alcohol increasing by 4% – and it remains to be seen what the numbers will do once things return to some kind of normalcy.
Researchers believe that wellness is a big motivator for those who do choose to change their drinking habits. This is a sentiment that Cat Rodie from non-alcoholic drink marketplace Sans Drinks has picked up on too. “We have taken the toxins out of our cosmetics, we have taken the artificial colours and flavours out of our diets and we have swapped our soft drinks for green smoothies – so it was only a matter of time before we also cut back on the consumption of alcohol,” she says.
Whether it’s for physical or mental health reasons, the fact that a non-alcoholic drinks marketplace is now a viable business shows that we’re learning to question our relationship with alcohol.
If you too have been questioning the way you drink, you might be part of the emerging ‘sober curious’ movement. Sober curious is a term that was coined in 2018 in reference to those who wanted to avoid drinking or moderate their alcohol intake – whether that meant cutting back, taking a challenge like Febfast, or committing to a prolonged period of not drinking. The idea is that by changing your habits in some way, you learn more about why you drink. In doing so, you start to consume alcohol mindfully, rather than having a drink without giving it any thought.
People don’t always understand it – I would tell my dad I’m not drinking, so he would say, ‘Here, have a light beer’
“We have taken the toxins out of our cosmetics, we have taken the artificial colours and flavours out of our diets and we have swapped our soft drinks for green smoothies – so it was only a matter of time before we also cut back on the consumption of alcohol.”
Owner of property styling business Peony & Silk, Jaculin Dodson became ‘sober curious’ a few years ago, and at the time of our interview she hadn’t had a drink for two years, eight months, eighteen days, fifteen hours, four minutes and forty-three seconds. These figures came from the app she used to help kick the habit. “I don’t look at it much these days,” she says, “but early on I did a lot and it would help with positive thinking.”
With the stress of a business, her husband regularly away for work and two young children, Jaculin developed a complicated relationship with alcohol. It came to a point where she decided to reset by not drinking for one hundred days. Once she hit that milestone, she kept going. “I have never been able to have an off switch,” she explains of her decision to quit drinking. “As I became older, the hangovers were worse and then I started drinking more through the week. Instead of being a way of socialising, it turned into a way to cope with the stresses of life.”
While Jaculin’s drinking didn’t affect her ability to parent or run her business, she does feel she was a grey area drinker. That’s the kind of drinking where you may not have a dependency, but the amount of alcohol you consume takes a negative toll on your life. The first thing she tried was moderating her drinking, but it didn’t work. “For me, moderation was exhausting,” she says. “It was so much easier just to say “No,” instead of going out and having a glass of wine and then spending the entire night having a dialogue in my head about will I have another drink or won’t I have another drink.”
Once she made the decision to take the hundred-day break, the tools she found most useful were ‘quit lit’ books, Facebook groups, following public figures who don’t drink and an app that tracks her number of alcohol-free days and money saved. Her sleep was disrupted during the first two weeks and her anxiety was high, but once that passed she says her sleep was better than ever and the anxiety stopped. When a drink craving inevitably arose, Jaculin turned to other things she enjoyed, like taking a bath, doing some yoga, going for a walk, eating chocolate or listening to a sobriety podcast.
The trick, she says, is engaging in activities you already enjoy, and also being able to ask yourself what would happen if you had a drink and whether that would be a positive thing.
Karl stays motivated in a similar way. “I like the idea of getting up early on the weekend and walking the dog and listening to a podcast,” he says. “I really enjoy that more than I like having a beer. So, I weigh those things against: Do I want to have a beer and feel like crap or get up and feel a hundred percent?”
For both Karl and Jaculin, social settings present the most difficult situations. That’s not because social occasions make them want to have a drink; it’s because they’ll often have to answer to other people questioning their decision not to drink, or urging them to, “Just have one – it won’t hurt”. Both prefer to avoid getting into this situation by having something in their hand that looks like a drink. For Karl it’s a litre of kombucha that looks like a long neck and for Jaculin it’s usually a non-alcoholic beer or wine.
When attending social functions after she first quit, Jaculin would also make sure she had close, supportive friends there and would pre-warn her friends and the host that she may leave without saying goodbye if people became too drunk or began pressing her too much. She says she is lucky to have supportive friends, but acknowledges not everyone is in the same boat. “If you’re worried about losing friends, look for new ways to hang out with them,” she says. “If it’s still a problem, perhaps they’re not the friend you thought they were.”
Yet for both Karl and Jaculin, the feeling of waking up with a clear head is well worth any difficult social encounters. “Having alcohol was not really helping and not making me think straight,” Karl says.
Karl stays motivated in a similar way. “I like the idea of getting up early on the weekend and walking the dog and listening to a podcast,” he says. “I really enjoy that more than I like having a beer. So, I weigh those things against: Do I want to have a beer and feel like crap or get up and feel a hundred percent?”
“I should be sharp and thinking about decisions that affect the business, and I wasn’t on top of my game.” He says he feels better equipped to handle stressful situations when he is not drinking, and with his business still in its first year of operation, he encounters plenty of those.
When Jaculin reflects on the connection between her stress and drinking, she now can see it was taking more from her life than it was giving. She would often drink as a way to deal with social situations, only to wake up the next morning with anxiety about what she may have said or done. That meant any short-term stress relief was quickly crippled with the prolonged after-effects of drinking. Now though, she feels she is ‘a hundred percent present’ in life. “People drink alcohol to help with stress and anxiety, but it’s actually impacting it more and it’s this massive cycle,” she says. “It can dull your whole life, as opposed to just the stress and anxiety.”
Where they differ is Karl plans to drink again over summer, while Jaculin has no intention of ever doing so. What led them both to this place was a willingness to explore their sober curiosity.
Perhaps you want to experience fewer hangovers, improve your health or learn how to be comfortable saying no to a drink. Whatever your reasons for being sober curious, there are no hard and fast rules about where you go from here. That means any way you begin to question and reframe your connection with alcohol is a step in the right direction. Ultimately, it’s all too easy to open a drink without even thinking – maybe because everyone else is having one or there is a voice in your head screaming, “I need a drink,” after a hard day. Simply pausing and asking yourself if you really feel like drinking is a great place to start.
With time, you’ll learn your triggers and how to make more mindful decisions, or perhaps you’ll decide that going completely sober is the right move for you. Like Karl and Jaculin, you may find that you’ll experience greater mental clarity, a boost in self-esteem and a feeling that you’ve regained more control over your life. All it takes is a little curiosity.
Words: Melinda Halloran | Images: Zoe Lonergan
As seen in Swell Issue 12. Grab your copy here
