Everyone knows that moving house is the absolute worst. It honestly doesn’t matter how excited you are to move into your new house. You could be moving into your dream home on a private island with views to die for, and you will still hate moving. Actually, if you are moving to a private island, the logistics would be a nightmare so in that case you’d probably hate moving even more. As someone who has just moved house (and has moved five times in the last three and a half years) I’ve got a bit to say on the matter. You see there’s the sorting, the packing, the unpacking, the alphabetising, the lifting, the stair-navigating, the crying, the pivoting, and the searching for the kettle when you’re desperate for a coffee – that are the inevitable repercussions that come with moving house.
Here are our (actually I’ll say my because I’ve just moved house again and this wisdom is under trademark) top tips on how to move house without dying a little inside.
Pack without your partner.
If you’re like me and happen to have a partner who thinks the idea of a good time is refusing to label any boxes because, “It’s like Christmas when you open them”- then heed my words of advice and pack as much as you can, by yourself. That way, you’ll know where everything is, where it will belong, and where the whiskey is when you’ll need it most.
Downsize, downsize, downsize.
I’ll say this louder for the people down the back – you have too much stuff. Ok? Ok. More importantly, the less stuff you have to physically lug from one place to another is always better. So go through your belongings and get rid of what you don’t really need. It’s cathartic, a definite vibe, and you’ll be a better human for it. Just to clarify- this isn’t an invitation for you to simply take your belongings and throw them in the nearest river and hope for the best… a là Prince Of Egypt. This is about conscious down-sizing. This could be achieved by donating your clothes to charity or selling them at the markets for a bit of pocket money and you could give the indoor plants you never should have purchased anyway to a new home.
Storage.
If there are key items that you really want to keep but they don’t actually or practically fit inside your new abode, store them.
Trust me when I say that the storage fees will pay for themselves. You will actually have room to move in your new house rather than trying to squeeze that antique mahogany shelf into your second bedroom. De-cluttering your space is good for the heart and soul.
Joy comes into it, but not like you think.
If you haven’t read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying by Maree Kondo let me save you the trouble. You don’t need to spend time picking up every item you possess and ask yourself whether it brings you joy. This is such a time-consuming process.
Ms. Kondo also suggests you keep fewer than ten books in your house – this means that if you include her book, you only have nine titles to select from your collection. How on earth can you trust anyone like that? The answer is you can’t.
This brings me back to the ‘joy’ thing. If you’re someone who hasn’t really grown up and still collects Beanie Babies like it’s 1995, you must remain true to you. Or if you’re someone who lives and breathes indoor plants then keep that vibe going as ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ plays on repeat. Afterall, it’s your house so you don’t have to give up what you love. Just be a little reasonable and maybe whittle your display of beanie babies down to one hundred, rather than 10,000.
Pack snacks, lots and lots of snacks.
Everyone knows that when you move, time doesn’t tick in the usual way. You look at the clock and it’s 8am, then you blink, move a box and suddenly it’s 1pm and you’re hangry, sweaty, and tired. You can’t avoid being sweaty and tired but you can plan for the hunger. Always have snacks and treats on hand and make sure that to organise something that doesn’t require utensils. It’s a great way to reward yourself after a job well done. I can definitely recommend Iced VoVos as a suggestion.
Never (ever) assume that the random bolt you’ve found doesn’t have a purpose.
You know the one. You think you have it all together, but all that you have really done is throw every screw, nut, and bolt you’ve come across while packing into a box- in the hope that you’ll remember what goes where when needed later. So what if you have screws left over? They always include spares right? Wrong sweetie!
As you’re deconstructing your Swedish family members (aka your IKEA furniture) make sure you separate your hardware. This means keep your screws for your Floog away from the bolts of your Noodenstroodle. Another red-hot tip when it comes to moving furniture is to deconstruct everything at least a day before you move. Don’t leave that harrowing task to the big day. Just… don’t.
Set up your snooze station.
It might seem romantic to spend the first night in your new house on a blow-up mattress but like… y tho? Make it a priority to set up your bed, including sheets and pillows and stuffed animals – so when the time comes to put down tools for the day, you’ve got a great place to rest. Your body and mind will thank you for this!
Make moving an adults-only activity.
Moving is an all-consuming activity. This means you need to send your children (the four-legged kind as well) on a playdate. Nobody has time to make sure the gate is closed, the cleaning supplies are locked away, or that the iPad is fully charged and Emma Wiggle is on hand to entertain. You can welcome the rest of the family back into the fold when the hard work is finished.
Before you invite friends, family and the guy down the road who owns a ute to help you – make sure everything is actually packed!
No one wants to waste time. So if you do conjure up some hypnotic magic and convince your friends and family to help you move, make sure they actually have something to move. No friend I know will actually pack stuff in boxes for you – or scrounge up the socks you left under the bed… that’s not yet dismantled. Be organised. Be packed and ready before they arrive. Also, remember they are helping out due to the goodness of their heart – so shout them dinner, or a slab or a bottle of vino to say thank you!
Don’t be a hero.
Please – hire a removalist! Sure, you might be able to lift that fridge up three flights of stairs using a rickety trolley and some tenacity… but do you really want to? More importantly, what is your body going to feel like the next day, after moving said furniture? Nobody wants that life. You don’t want that life. Removalists are trained to do what they do best – moving heavy things at lightning speed. Also, your dad called on behalf of your family and they’re super sick of moving your stuff. So, don’t play the hero, and fork out the coin.
Words: Laura Kebby
As seen in Swell Issue 11.
